yesterday i spent an hour with a colleague, discussing a coaching tool
created by ben dean of mentor coach.
the tool - the pillars of a balanced life - can be likened to a work-life
balance analysis, but multi-dimensional. there are 10 life domains the tool
assesses and it is interpretable, meaning, it can be modified or expanded to
suit specific situations or goals. at the end of our time together, he
concluded with saying that if there was one word he would put forth to capture
the essence of my life, it would be "purpose."
commenting on the previous post, friends have suggested that i explore
several threads, one of them being this: "i am compelled to
pay attention to the brilliance that occurs at that level of performance; it
utterly captures my attention!" the question to answer would be,
"why?"
i have to say that i do not think i am alone or unique in this position of
awe at superlative performance. i give credit to the human brain (and its
supporting characters) for selectively narrowing its focus to isolate
breathtaking performance from its fair-to-average counterpart.
why do performers go out on a limb, time after time after time? this is the
same question as "why do babies insist on walking after they've fallen and
gotten hurt countless times in one day?"
i remember my first ballet recital. i was required to perform two years
after i started taking lessons. i remember hating the costume, the role picked
out for me, the music, the almost-all of the performance. the only part i liked
were the pink satin toe shoes. the lights of the stage were so hot and bright,
the maw of the audience so close and hauntingly faded. two years to train
for a performance in a new field is not enough. still, i stayed in formation,
did my duty, and threw the costume away after the performance. my sister told
me afterward that she could hear my deep sighs of frustration - my left foot
skidded sharply at one point, breaking alignment with the other performers -
from the fifth row.
i loved ballet. i loved it from the first moment i put on the black leotard
and pink tights. i felt like a big girl when i graduated to pointe.
going to the dance store and being instructed on how to sow on the ribbons. the
shoes were so smooth and clean, the color such a mystical faded pink. and i loved
the culture. i loved the elegance of the body, the exhilaration of the corps
moving in rhythmic unison. it was, at times, absolute immersion. it was flow. at times.
it was grueling and painful work, but strangely, there was such a huge payoff after every
lesson no matter how many times the mistress - a diminutive german - pounded
her staff on the waxed and scarred hardwood floor during that lesson, or who
she yelled at and how many times.
i'm going to do an analogy here.
the baby falls as he tries to pull himself up to the table leg, to steady
his still-fat baby body so as to take a tentative step. head meets edge of
table leg, pain ensues. 40 minutes later, baby initiates the same sequence of
actions - maybe using a different piece of furniture for support. do we
consider this the neurosis of repeating the same behaviors while expecting
different/better results? no. we consider this perseverance in service of
manifesting the blueprint for striving, overcoming, and conquering.
the ballet mistress yells at me 7 times in one hour, punctuating her
displeasure, her offense at my imperfection, with a bang of her staff - as if
the yelling isn't enough. and the embarrassment of being less-than and that
being visible to my fellow dancers. (now, 30 years later, i know that in some
disciplines, those who are critiqued are considered higher-potential than those
who are not; twisted logic but it stands to reason.) why do i keep going to
classes? why do i keep getting up on stage, despite the slips and hot lights
(and odious costumes)?
because i have a blueprint for striving, overcoming, and conquering.
and this blueprint is built into every living organism.
true, every organism has different innate blueprints. broadly-stated, one of
two; think: easy, adaptive baby or colicky, sensitive baby. however, epigenetics shows us that these two
influencers are so intertwined that it’s not a proposition of one or the other, nature or nurture; when looking for
explanations of how the blueprint manifests itself, it is an admission of both.
bringing it back to the striving to achieve and conquer, this innate need –
let’s call it a metaphysical sense of purpose – manifesting in observable behaviors
is indeed different among people, but it is present in all people.
in the alchemy of hardwired and environmental, purpose,
to some, is the journey to excellence. to others, it may the journey to comfort.
or satisfaction. or safety. the beauty of differences, the glorious concert of human expression and desire. all are cherished. but take action toward a purpose, whatever it might be.
to me, it feels as though being captivated by excellence – and the striving toward –
speaks to the unquenchable desire to see magnificence, beauty, grace. transcendence of past
and present, in favor of timeless.
are you striving towards your purpose?
