funny thing about unresolved things; they ... return. humbling, this.
we scramble around, at times more elegantly so, but we still scramble so as to shirk the past, or to engulf the past, or to "do away" with the past. but the past ... is present. (thanks barbara!)
and so, if the past is present, does the present present nothing ... new? except a re-manifestation, albeit changed over the course of time, of the past?
the past is now "memory." memory colors the "present."
i try to taste newness in my mouth or to feel newness enter my body through minuscule pores. but my crepuscular body matter (cells, plasma, networks, energy channels, organic ephemera) enfolds the newness in its comforting, all-too-knowing cotton wool, transforms it into new+old.
recognize this: it is "old stuff."
and, in spite of this: (re)connect.
a strongly research-backed therapeutic modality (emdr) i trained in over the weekend took me back. but ... there is a way forward. the way forward is this: the memory is ... malleable perception.